The Self-Care after Rape series is a set of tips and tricks from a 21 year old survivor.
I never did get part two of this.
but it is really wrong of people to doubt you because you can talk about it.
Unfortunately there are those who assume that the way they cope is the only way to cope and that anyone who is doing anything differently is wrong.
also you aren’t alone in it being easier online. A lot of people are like that. I know a lot of survivors who the first place (and sometimes only place) that they have opened up is online. that doesn’t make you a fraud.
it is wrong of survivors to treat you like that and I am so sorry that they have.
you deserve to be believed.
I used to do this with scratching myself but really.. all I did was 1. keep my nails short and filed so that I couldn’t do damage and 2. wrap my forearms with … that sporty tape stuff? so that I couldn’t accidently hurt myself. and also wear fingerless gloves.
another thing is to do things that keep your hands busy. Give them other things to fiddle with, and make that like.. a conscious thing- means your less likely to do something to hurt yourself accidentally. Check in with what you’re doing more often.
Does anyone else have any suggestions?
Do you feel like it was sexual assault?
because some people are okay with their partner groping them without asking first- and I don’t want anyone to feel like they have to claim a term they don’t want.
but yes, you’re right. you did not consent to him grabbing you there. and grabbing someone’s chest isn’t like.. touching their arm. people definitely need to be checking in, especially the first couple of times they hook up.
if you feel violated you have every right to the term sexual assault.
I’m so proud of you for the progress that you’ve made <3 It’s a huggggge step to stop dissociating and to control panic attacks and it just.. makes our quality of life so much better. and I know talking to people can be scary but it is also so worthwhile.
and I’m glad that I could play a part in it. <3 and I’m trying to.. it’s a process but… I’m getting there.
Sexuality is fluid so.. I mean being a sexual abuse survivor might have influenced your attraction to women? but it might not have. and there really isn’t way to know. some people just don’t realize that they’re attracted to women until later on.. some people are attracted to more than one gender but don’t realize it until something happens that causes them to.. ‘pay attention’ to it. they just kind of go with the flow of what is expected.
The reaction to men though? probably is a sexual abuse survivor thing. I’m not exactly the biggest fan of men that are bigger than me ( Smaller than me and I feel comfortable that I could fight back…) and especially with the amount of victim blaming that goes on? it’s understandable to be scared to walk alone at night. and to be angry/scared when people hit on you- especially once they don’t take the first no as an answer. and especially when they touch you without permission. you have every right to be angry about that.
Today was my niece’s 6th birthday. and it’s… it’s weird.
I talked to her mother today.. and that hurt. It’s going on 2 years now since we’ve exchanged more than a few sentences and today was just as short.. but it still…
we had girlscouts tonight and the parents had arrived to pick up their girls and a dad was standing there and Turtle was talking about how it’s her mother’s birthday tomorrow and I went ‘huh, I forgot about that’
and he laughed and said something about it being sad that I forgot my own sisters birthday and just..
I don’t have a sister.
I’m exhausted by explaining that I have a niece but no siblings.
but that’s life.
So it looks like I’ll be okay with the job.. but I’m also looking for another job on top of it and there’s a position at a women’s shelter open that I really want but my father really doesn’t want me to take. I’m also looking into applying to be a community advocate for a couple of teens with autism.
as is last week with me getting upset over the vegan debacle.. and I quote ‘why don’t you quit the internet?’ is his stance. he thinks I should get a job at a grocery store or a convenience store where ‘you won’t get upset about stuff’.
adulthood is weird.
is that what most people do? Choose lives based on how not upset they’ll get?
Like yes. I get upset about SCaR sometimes. and heaven knows I would get ticked as a community advocate because people are terrible. and same with the women’s shelter.
but it isn’t like I get upset about SCaR followers, or would be upset about the people I’m hoping to work with.. it’s being upset about the way the world/communities treat us/them.
I’d much rather be doing something about it. Then just.. tuning out and ignoring everyone else’s problems.
anyway- I’m queueing for tomorrow right now… it was nice to take a two day break to just.. be sad. and to try and work things out. and also to celebrate Turtle’s birthday.
a bunch of y’all have followed since I took the break- why hello there, thanks for tuning in
and take care of yourselves today, okay?
Thank you <3 Unfortunately, I need the actual picture ID to get fingerprinted.
It’s looking like it’ll be okay. I just won’t start for another two weeks but I feel really bad because she really does need someone in like now because they’re getting audited soon. asdkaslkda I feel like a bad person. I don’t like being an inconvenience.
I’m just.. exasperated and unable to person right now. (I may not be able to have the job after all because valid id reasons and it takes two weeks to get a new one. and I’m supposed to start wednesday and just.. ) I was supposed to do the what is gaslighting post today and honestly, i logged in to queue for tomorrow..
but I just.. can’t right now.
so I might be quiet for the next few days. everythings okay I just.. am feeling pretty deflated. I know last time I disappeared for a few days people got worried so I did want to let everyone know…
take care of yourselves in the mean time, okay?
Are you a threat to yourself or others?
Because if not- they are not going to commit you against your will. Unless you are suicidal or homocidal they are not going to commit you against your will.
Even if it is BPD.
I know .. I won’t say plenty- but I know a good handful of people with Borderline Personality disorder who have been diagnosed and never been in the hospital. BPD doesn’t mean you need to go to the hospital.
and paranoia isn’t going to get you committed either.
Also, most likely you won’t get a diagnosis tomorrow. At least, most professionals I know won’t do diagnoses in the very first appointment because there are lots of nuances and it takes a while to talk about why things are happening.
But just.. remember.. unless you are a threat to yourself or others? you are not going to be committed. I promise.
PTSD or not. BPD or not. paranoia or not… everythings going to be alright.
Take care of yourself, okay?