General reminder that if you’re making fun of PTSD and triggers and then pull the ‘no no no I’m not making fun of people who REALLY have PTSD just the ones who fake it’ that you a. have no way of knowing who is faking b. are almost definitely accusing folks of faking who aren’t and c. are affecting those with it.

You’re not just ‘mocking those who pretend to have it or think they have it because xyz’ you’re mocking people that have gone through trauma and who have PTSD.

and I invite you to go step into the nearest garbage disposal if you’re going to insist on being trash.


My friend just told me she’s been diagnosed with PTSD and Depression and all I could say was, ‘Ugh. I don’t know what to say.” I still don’t know what to say. Do I say I’m sorry? Mental illness is indeed an illness but the politics behind it are so complicated. 

Plus I realise we’ve never been taught how to accept mental illness in our society. I’m supposed to go spend a few days with her next week. When she told me, my first instinct was to cancel, because what if I go and say the wrong things? How do I act? Am I supposed to treat her differently? What if something happens? How do I let her know she’ll be okay?

Why weren’t we taught this in school???

Talk to your friend. 

She’s had PTSD and depression probably the entire time you’ve known her- so you don’t need to suddenly do anything. My guides are mostly based off rape- and that isn’t the only reason why someone might have PTSD, but the might give you a general idea.

Avoiding Awkward: How to talk about rape when we talk to survivors. (which is more trauma based in general.)

How to help a friend who has been raped

Sometimes the easiest thing to say is the worst

For the most part- if she hasn’t told you to treat her differently, she isn’t expecting you to. It might be nice of you to ask if there is anything you could be considerate of…

but for the most part- folks with PTSD and depression are still just… people. If she talks about trauma- believe her. If she’s talking about trauma and you feel uncomfortable/it’s too much for you to handle- set boundaries and try to figure out something that works for both of you.  I find with a lot of folks- what makes them uncomfortable is they don’t know what the person telling them wants them to do. You’re allowed to ask. You’re allowed to say ‘hey, I’m listening- but I need to know what you’re looking for from me. do you want advice? for me just to listen? validation?’ She may have triggers, if so, respect them.

but mostly… just talk to her. ‘Hey the other day you told me that you have PTSD and depression’ or if you aren’t willing to say that ‘hey, a bit ago you told me some… serious stuff.’ and then go ‘I was wondering if there’s anything you’d like me to do because of that’


fyi I’m about to post a…. introduction to SCaR…. because I need it in a post to put it on the SCaR side bar.

It’s a bit curse-y. mostly because I’m still grumpy about the amount of times people have pulled the ‘suddenly! you’re so negative! Suddenly!’ and it’s like ‘nahhhh I’ve been an ass since day one.’

I will be reblogging this message again after I post it- so that people scrolling down their dash see it before they see the thing.

and it’s been posted. beware for those looking below.

Who the fuck is that asshole who never signs off?

Kris is the asshole who never signs off. Kris is a 21 year old self admitted asshole and survivor of well, many things. Many things includes but is not limited to: teen domestic violence, acquaintance rape, sibling abuse, addiction and CoCSA.

When they aren’t running SCaR, they’re off being a girl scout leader, working an office job, and helping out with the family. Their father was recently diagnosed with lupus and has spent far too long in the hospital. Their niece has a host of medical issues including possibly being autistic and there is something wonky going on with her hormones. If Kris seems like more of an asshole than normal- one or the other is probably why. 

Kris is far from perfect, they definitely aren’t the cuddly sort, but they live their life by two major beliefs.

Uncomfortable honesty and complete sincerity.

Which means that Kris believes in talking about shit that hurts to talk about without judgement and that they don’t believe in sugar coating anything. On the flip side- it means you never have to question if Kris is being nice because they’re obligated to- because they don’t believe in that shit. They curse like a sailor, call people trash, and adamently refuse to be a ‘good survivor’

Kris is- and always has been- someone with blood in their teeth.

Kris has been referred to as ‘that asshole who doesn’t sign off’, ‘the chain-smoking mod’, and most fondly- as your trauma grandma. Giving out cookies and advice to their trauma grand-kids while yelling at folks to get off their lawn and threatening to throw them in the trash. 


Why the fuck is SCaR a thing?

Self-admitted assholes don’t typically run blogs of this nature, so your question makes complete sense. SCaR came into being as it’s own blog on March 14th 2012, but had existed as a series on Kris’s personal for few months before that. Someone wrote in to Kris and said ‘Kris I know you’ve survived some shit- I don’t want to talk about it but, how do you deal with being raped?’ and the SCaR series was born. It turned into a blog because Kris can be a paranoid lass and getting 15+ notes on things was making them uneasy, which is hilarious as SCaR is approaching 5,000 followers and now has posts with 30k+ notes. 


How the fuck does SCaR work?

Majorly- in three different ways.

The masterlist/posts.

The guides: These are guides- incomplete guides about dealing with shit that survivors deal with. Feel free to reblog with more tips and tricks and feels.

ST posts: Which stands for ‘spare thoughts’. These posts can be commented on/debated on/whatever you like. They are incomplete thoughts. We invite conversation about these things.

FoS posts: Posts for friends of survivors. Unfortunately- a lot of the time these posts are born of frustration- so it’s a lot of ‘jfc can you not’. Kris appreciates Friends/family of survivors, but doesn’t exactly have a tolerance for most bullshit.

MSC: My self care posts are Kris’s self care posts. They are Kris processing shit. They are not there for debate. They are not there for comment. If you feel solidarity with one of these posts- you’re free to speak up about that- but other than that, Kris is a grumpy old troll who lives under the bridge and would prefer people not disrespect their right to not have their trauma up to debate.

What Is: Is a mostly finished series that goes over the different kinds of rape/sexual trauma.

But!: is a series that addresses common self-victim blaming.



Due to the amount of asks SCaR gets- SCaR can no longer promise to answer all asks. SCaR currently has  26 mods and appreciates each and every one of them. They answer your questions, they give you validation. 

They do not exist however to debate with you or educate you. They are there for survivor support or relevant FoS questions.


SSO: Once a year SCaR hosts SSO. Probably in September from now on. This is ‘Survivors Speak Out’ and is a platform to boost marginalized voices in the survivor community.

YBSS: Young But Still Signifcant is a new! project coming this February. It is for teenage survivors of domestic violence (and acquaintence rape things like that).

ES: Expressingsurvivorship is it’s own blog but it is for expressions of survivorship. Surviving isn’t always pretty and it aims to be a place that folks can share their unpretty feelings in whatever form they so choose.

Who the Fuck is SCaR for:

Mainly survivors of sexual trauma of any kind or abuse of any kind. 

Friends/Family of survivors are welcome to follow so long as they don’t ask Kris or any of the other mods to co-sign their bullshit. We’re happy to give advice though.

You’re welcome to use the guides for other reasons (depression/bi-polar/anything your heart so desires) but please be conscious that it grates the shit out of Kris when people comment on things ‘but this is great for people who aren’t survivors too!’ Kris is allowed to only focus on survivors. If you happen to benefit for other reasons? awesome. Please allow survivors to have this thing.

fyi I’m about to post a…. introduction to SCaR…. because I need it in a post to put it on the SCaR side bar.

It’s a bit curse-y. mostly because I’m still grumpy about the amount of times people have pulled the ‘suddenly! you’re so negative! Suddenly!’ and it’s like ‘nahhhh I’ve been an ass since day one.’

I will be reblogging this message again after I post it- so that people scrolling down their dash see it before they see the thing.


The Basics:
What is Rape?/Types of Rape.
Common Responses to Rape/Sexual Assault(ppt)
Why You Aren’t Bad for Loving Your Abuser.
How to Talk About Trauma:
Talking About Trauma (ppt)
Talking About Trauma (to others)
What if they don’t believe me?
Need Help With:
Surviving the Holidays (ppt)
Overstimulated Nerves
Self-Injury (ppt)
Flashbacks (ppt)
Dissociating (ppt)
Making Peace With the Emotion Monster
On Holding Anger for Attackers
Disordered Eating, What it is and What you can do about it.
Admitting Weakness
Suicidal Ideation
I’m triggered- Now What?
More On Triggers
On Purposely Triggering Yourself
Getting Over Triggers
Boundaries (ppt)
Boundaries 101
Boundaries: How to set them
What is Self Care Anyway?
BACE Method
Self Care When You Lack a Sense of Self
Interpersonal Self-Care
Emotional Self Care
Physical Self Care
How to Do Self Care When You Only Have A Little Bit of Time
Self Care For Cold Weather
Intimacy After Rape
Lets Talk Consent
Lets Talk Sex
Sexuality After Rape
For Friends/Family/Partners of Survivors:
How to Help a Friend Who Has Been Raped.(ppt)
Avoiding Awkward- How to talk about rape when we talk to survivors.(ppt)
Sometimes the easiest thing to say is the worst.
Being Family/Friends isn’t an excuse.
A Friend is Self Harming (ppt)
Comfort In. Complain Out.
What Can I Do?
A Friend is Dissociating.(ppt)
Reality Checks
Anonymous asked
I know you post warnings for the PTSD tag, and I just wanted to say thank you for that. Also, how do you feel about all the posts in the PTSD and rape trauma syndrome tag, from role playing blogs?

Those piss me off to no end. Also- fanfiction. stop that nonsense.

Like if you want to tag it that way for your personal blog logging purposes- tag it after it posts so that it isn’t in the tag.

I also will admit to getting pissed off when people without ptsd are in the ptsd tag in general. Long time followers of SCaR will remember when SCaR was an infant.. like a few months old- and I went toe to toe with a bunch of Milspos who thought it was appropriate to keep posting shit like “I’d rather my spouse not come back from the war, than come back with ptsd” in the ptsd tag and it was like ‘fuck you that’s gross as hell and not only that- but it’s a gross as hell thing to put in the ptsd tag where people with ptsd go’

I don’t mind so much when people are asking for help for loved ones in the ptsd tag.. but the complaining about people with ptsd in the tag.



did you think that through?

but yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. also my stance on roleplaying characters with ptsd is this “you can have a character with PTSD. but if your character is JUST ptsd we have a problem” esp…. why do people roleplay friggin mental hospitals? like fine if you’ve been to one and it’s a coping thing- that’s chill. but other than that- whats your damage?

Anonymous asked
To the mod who said they used to be an alcoholic.. Does that mean you can drink normally now? I thought when you were an alcoholic you cannot ever drink again or at least not normally... Sorry if this comes across rude I'm just confused...

There are a lot of alcoholics who believe that and there are a lot of people- alcoholics and not, who spout that true of everyone who has the tendency.

I still drink. In fact it’s something that occasionally gets talked about on SCaR cause I pull back from answering questions if I’ve been drinking at all and occasionally I do hit the bottle pretty hard again. I went through a stint recently I was drinking every day or pretty much every day but it was beer. and one or two at that. the most concerning part was the frequency.

and my period of alcoholism was hard liquor. and uh. lots of it. like shots before leaving in the morning, bottle in my bag, I once drank an entire bottle of champagne walking from my dorm to a friend’s dorm- and if our dorms were far apart okay maybe that would be reasonable- but it was literally just down the mountain. 50 steps (like.. steps the things you go up and down, not ‘I took x  steps) tops. and then proceeded to drink whisky from the bottle. I either drank straight or I mixed my liquors with my liquors a lot of the time.

and I…. I stayed either that or on pills for about a year.

I do consider myself a former addict. and on one hand… I got off easy. I’m not inclined to get physically addicted to shit. It’s something I’ve talked about before but mostly I was addicted to the escapism of it. Which is one of the reasons I don’t consider drinking a beer every now and then falling off the band wagon/sober train. I will say I don’t have the stomach for drinking hard liquor much anymore and I find it hard to drink it without wanting to go back. I don’t keep my favored liquors around the house because if I did? I would go back to taking a shot or two every day. because there’s that… voice… idea… that spacing out is easier than dealing with shit. but it’s definitely a mental draw and I can count my lucky stars that I never did have to deal with physical withdrawals much.

Anonymous asked
thank you for this blog. I'm inspired by your strength and wisdom and compassion :) do you know of any resources for bi women who have been raped by men? everything I find is geared toward queer women who have been victimized by other women

I definitely agree that there is a lack of resources for bi women survivors, especially when looking for resources that focus on men as perpetrators of violence.

I spent a bit of time looking for some resources. I was not able to find anything specifically geared towards resources surrounding rape but I was able to find a resource sheet about abuse for bisexual survivors. ( The assumption of the perpetrator is gender-neutral, and just a warning for slurs and potentially triggering language in the resource sheet.

Other than that, I was not able to find any other resources, exactly. For me, personally, as a bi woman survivor of sexual assault by a man, it helped to know some statistics. Although, they can be incredibly upsetting, sometimes, it helps to know that I am not alone. Here is a document of statistics I found interesting and supportive, although you may experience it differently. (

Offering love,